【recap】so, the grammys weren’t so bad this year.

While the televised ceremony remains as unpolished and low-budget as ever these days (the staggering amounts of cutoffs and awkward, unprepared transitions I caught had me in stitches), the winners and nominees were deserving for the most part. More under the cut!

I can only count two major robberies, both SOPHIE and Porter Robinson deserved their Grammies and I’m mildly pissed (Porter’s fans were acting a fool on twitter last night but let’s not set them off again).

Kacey Musgraves winning AOTY for her magnificent “Golden Hour” and also sweeping in all of her nominated categories was something to behold, Cardi B taking home the “Best Rap Album” for “Invasion of Privacy” was also well deserved, and Lady Gaga getting her due over the fantastic “Shallow” was extremely satisfying. This was a year for the women of music, and I can only hope they continue to get the recognition they deserve (even though they fucked up with not giving SOPHIE the win.)

As for the performances, Camila Cabello did some weird “Havana” with Ricky Martin and J Balvin (I think idk these people fuck my journalism right) that was only notable for stealing the cubed neon colored rooms from Perfume’s 2009 “One Room Disco” music video (I see you bitch!).

Painfully bland Shawn Mendes did the same old shit he always does, but this time made things slightly worse by throwing Miley Hemsworth née Cyrus into the mix. She outsang the poor guy, and didn’t seem to know what to do movement wise (she obviously can’t break out into a twerkathon anymore), so it was kind of awkward.

Kacey performed her album closer “Rainbow” and it was really pretty, her vocals were on point even though the song itself isn’t difficult. I loved it!

At some point I started tuning out but I definitely remember Alicia Keys doing some weird dual piano playing and covering random songs under a jazz backdrop (yet this wasn’t the Motown tribute?? Okay). The only highlight of this montage was Keys’ damaged vocals managing not to fuck up “Killing Me Softly” and “Doo Wop/That Thing”. I said what I said.

As for the Motown tribute…..I don’t understand WHY JLo was called up, as she was not appropriate for it whatsoever in my opinion, but it wasn’t a train wreck. She just doesn’t have the vocal chops for half the songs she sang.

Dolly Parton also had a tribute, in the form of her classics being sung by Kacey, Katy Perry (who was invited to perform as shade honestly), Miley again (this time in a very “Pimp Named Slickback” inspired suit) and some other people I don’t know. Dolly also took part, and was honestly singing circles around everyone. It didn’t seem like anybody up there was trying to harmonize or sound good in unison…. but I’m not gonna hate too hard because Kacey, Dolly and Miley sounded fantastic. Katy was being way too extra with her singing (if you can call it that but we all know we don’t use the good sis Katy for her vocals), and the other people were just bland.

Okay, at some point Posty did Rockstar sans 21 Savage (who is wrapped up in some sort of immigration conspiracy), and it was really awkward.

St.Vincent and Dua Lipa performed an amazing mashup of Masseduction and One Kiss that was so good (even if Dua doesn’t have a lick of stage presence, St Vincent-chan was making up for it with the obvious lesbian overtones).

Janelle Monaé channeled her inner Prince and went the FUCK in on her “Make Me Feel” performance, and Cardi did “Money” (accompanied by this really swaggy pianist who effortlessly killed her part), these two slots were easily the most entertaining and theatrical, with AMAZING set designs that I couldn’t look away from.

Oh and Diana Ross was up there too but I was falling asleep.

Okay, this article is going on for too long, but I hope I saved you the effort of watching all of that ( seriously though, WATCH Janelle and Cardi when they get uploaded to YouTube!). Anyways, I’m going to eat. See y’all later!

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